Match Report

Octopus v Henleaze Old Boys
Sunday 8th August at Muswell Hill

By JS Smith

A few rules that Henleaze Old Boys should really follow when on Tour.

1. Do not under any circumstances stand near Ashley in the showers, he'll piss all over you, and think it perfectly acceptable.

2. Don't eat part cooked burgers because you 'cannot wait any longer'

3. Don't buy extra cheap disposable barbeques with a top heat of 30'F

4. Try not to mix cider and lager.

5. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ARRANGE FOR THE SUNDAY 'FUN GAME' TO BECOME THE 'CHALLENGE BAT MATCH', ESPECIALLY AFTER 10 PINTS.

6. Do not arrange to play cricket on the Sunday of a tour.

7. Make sure you don't end up sleeping next to Tom Lambshead in a tent.

8. Make sure you don't end up sleeping next to Peter Trahar in a tent.

9. Make sure you don't end up sleeping with, err sorry next, to Ashley Fillingham in a tent

10. Try and start the game with 11 players.

11. If Stu Adams wins the toss and puts you into field, refuse and punch him in the face.

12. If Stu Adams asks you to bowl the first over, see previous rule.

13. If you have bowled the first over, don't try and fight the rising sickness in your throat and just collapse like you really wanted to. At least then you won't see your next over disappear to all parts of the ground.

14. Jo, don't bother bowling for us again.

15. Ed, see previous rule

16. Please contact Pete Trahar for details on how to catch when on tour, (and I'm not talking about Chlamydia Phil)

17. Andy Barry, do not wear a helmet in future, just to hide your bloodshot drunken eyes.

18. Anth Barrett will not bat at number 11, however much he pleads, we know the truth now.

19. Mike Sergeant, 2 day hangovers are unacceptable on tour. You played like a man who had recently died. You looked dead in YumYums on Saturday morning and you still looked dead on Sunday night. Apart from the run out on Saturday which was the equivalent to having your heart jumpstarted… briefly.

20. Mr Fillingham, moaning about how much running you have had to do is banned next year, if you don't like it hit some boundaries instead!

The above rules are a bit of fun and not meant to cause any offence.

Special mentions

Pete Trahar for his fantastic fielding, taking 3 catches was, under the circumstances, an unbelievable effort.

Anthony Barrett for showing the rest of the team how to bat with a hangover! 77 not out was a brilliant achievement.

Ashley Fillingham for organizing the tour.

Stu Ogilvie for putting us up again, and again, and again…. Oh and for manipulating our drunken players into playing for the challenge bat on Sunday.

Jo Smith for helping us out by playing for us on the Sunday.

Will Thomas for going out of his way to play for us on Sat, despite 'family commitments' Brilliant, if in doubt bring 'em all along!

Stu's old boss for a truly stunning tea.

Whoever drove us up.

Whoever drove us back.

Finally, everyone who was involved in the whole weekend, Octopus or HOB, for making it so much fun! Great tour boys, we know what should have been…